So Rhys communion is fast approaching and for me its always been an extra significant milestone after having Breast Cancer. One of the first thoughts that entered my head was would I be around to see him make his communion. So just under 3 years down the road we are weeks away from this very special day. Today as I was thinking about whats left to do my mind wandered to the time when I was first diagnosed and getting treatment. To be honest my diagnosis couldn’t have come at a worse time as I had to start my chemo the day after Rhys 6th birthday, it was awful I felt so guilty I kept looking at him thinking this day 6 years ago I was so happy and look at me now, I could never have envisaged life taking such a awful turn.
How is the best way to explain to your children that you are ill and that there will be physical changes (BALDNESS!!!) without frightening them. I look back on how I told Rhys and I have to say I don’t think I explained the situation to him ending up in him drawing his own conclusions. I told him I was sick and would have to take medicine and go to hospital from time to time but that I would get better and we would then be going on a cool holiday.
I didn’t really ask him questions about what he thought was wrong with me or how he felt. My Mam and Dad minded him quite a lot for me when I was getting treatment. But I didn’t really take into consideration the impact and the trauma he would have experienced. When I was better I brought him to a play therapist just to make sure he wasn’t anxious or worried as he was acting up in school. On one of the sessions she asked how he felt when he found out I was sick, he said he was scared I would die. She then asked him did he know what had been wrong with me. He said no one told him what exactly was wrong but he though that I had water in my head and it was making me really sick and he was worried it would happen again. I was so surprised at how he had filled in the gaps I left with his own diagnosis.
A little late but I then explained to him about Breast Cancer in an age appropriate way. In the beginning I had told him I was sick but didn’t give him a name of my illness which probably left him fretting even more. I think its a big challenge to ensure your childs life stays as unaffected as possible by this illness. I found a great outlet for Rhys was our local GAA club he plays football, attends their Easter & Summer camps. It was great when I wasn’t well knowing he was mixing with other children and maybe getting a break from worrying about me.
I think we all know our own children best so for me to tell you how to break the news of your illness would be just wrong. I don’t think there is any right or wrong way its just a matter of reassuring them and being honest with them appropriate for their age.
I also think making sure they keep up their sports and play dates is really important because thats the time where they get to escape their worries and have some fun. We never really know what goes on in their little heads and it’s tough when you are going through treatment to be as attentive as you normally would be. I wouldn’t be beating myself up too much about that as you must put a huge focus on your health and wellbeing. For the few months that you aren’t able to be super mum your kids will benefit from you when you are out the other side.
#breastcancer #kids #hope #positive #breastcancerawareness
Great post and lovely to see you healthy and happy and enjoying Rhys’ special day!! It’s only natural to want to protect our babies from the harsh realities of cancer. In my experience though, children are amazingly resilient and when information is pitched at their level, they are capable of making sense of cancer and it’s takes away the misunderstanding and fear. The CLIMB Programme (CLIMB = Children’s Lives Include Moments of Bravery) is a programme specifically for children aged 5-12 whose parents or other family members have a cancer diagnosis. It’s a 6 week programme, where children come together in a group to explore cancer and share their their feelings and experiences through fun activities and arts and crafts. I know they run it in Tuam Cancer Care Centre, Co. Galway but I googled it there and found the following link telling of lots of other centres around the country who are running CLIMB! http://ladiesgaelic.ie/news/dublin-hosts-first-two-climb-courses/
Hope people find this helpful!