I promised more writing gals so to follow up on my recent live chat I’m going to talk about Chemo. CHEMO – Jesus its one word that struck fear in my heart when I heard it. I look back on my to the time around my diagnosis and I can’t believe how naive I was. You hear about people being diagnosed with cancer and unless you’ve had close personal experience you will have no understanding about the amount of hospital visits, scans, blood tests that come with your diagnosis. It’s not just a situation where you are told you have cancer and you deal with it. It’s more like a rocky road you have to travel will lots of bumps along the way, it’s a journey full of ups and downs. The stress of waiting for scan results are nearly as bad as the diagnosis itself, you have already lost the comfort of having the “it will never happen to me “ attitude instead you are hurled into a space where you are thinking what else is going to happen?????
I won’t lie I was scared about getting chemo, I just thought it would destroy me and I would be unrecognisable for the rest of my life, now maybe that’s me being dramatic but I couldn’t get any other picture into my head, how was I ever going to pick myself up again? . A good friend of mine dropped up to me before I started treatment and while we chatted I said I couldn’t imagine ever being normal again. She started listing out the names of famous people who had breast cancer and were back in good health and looking fab, this gave me some hope. Like girls how could you not be inspired by KYLIE MINOGUE !
I imagined the physical impact of my chemo would be me shrivelling up, my skin being shrivelled, I pictured myself bald with no eyelashes (TBH I expected all of this to happen at my first session) My mind was a hell to me. I had so many questions, how would they give me this medication, how long would it take, would I start feeling ill immediately. When I look back now I felt really lost for answers. People would say don’t worry you’re a fighter, you are strong, I just don’t think they understood how little I knew about what to expect.
I tried not to google too much but I did find an article that mentioned the importance of getting your teeth cleaned before chemo started. So I got that done and it’s something I think before treatment everyone should be advised to do.
My treatment started the day before my sons 6th birthday. I feared for our future. In advance of my chemo I had gone to the chemist to get all of the necessary meds, as it’s not only a matter of just getting your chemo, there is a cocktail of medication for all different things which must be taken. Steroids / anti-nausea etc. I also injected myself the day after chemo which is easily done.
My treatment plan with Chemo was 4 x AC 4 x Taxol. I was told in advance that the AC was harsher and it would be the one that I would lose my hair on. I got my head shaved because I couldn’t have coped with clumps of hair falling out.
So my first chemo came and went, my cousin came with me, he has a great sense of humour so he distracted me from my fear. I got weighed and my bloods tested, talked to the oncologist and then waited to be called. I went into the chemo room and it was full of blue leather armchairs, we tried to figure out WHY blue leather I decided that it was to prevent those memories flooding back if you came in contact with a similar chair out in the real world because let’s be honest they are horrible and no one would choose to buy them, so chances of seeing one somewhere would be slim.
The nurse was lovely that day so friendly and helpful. I was put on a drip in advance of my chemo and then she explained how it would be administered and when through all of the other meds I needed to take with me. My chemo was put into a large syringe type thing and the nurse had to slowly inject it in. Taxol is different it is just like a drip but it takes a bit longer.
I walked out that day the same girl that walked in, my hair didn’t fall out, I didn’t shrivel up, I did feel light headed. I didn’t like it but at least now I knew what to expect so it all got easier for me after that. I was surprised by how ME i still was, that weekend I was hyped I think it was a mixture of relief that I had got the first session over me and a cocktail of all the meds.
On the Monday I began to feel tired, I took it easy. During the course of my chemo I kept life as normal as possible I did the school run, I met friends for coffee, went on nights out and took each day as it came to me.
To survive chemo I think you need to try keep yourself in a good place, acknowledge you will have your bad days (mine was usually on the Monday after chemo) I blamed the meds for creating a hangover fearful feeling. Really mind yourself if someone is snotting and sniffing around you step back you don’t want to catch any infections (I always carried Tea Tree oil with me everywhere and dabbed a drop in each nostril to help prevent infection). You will become very intune with your body if I felt myself dipping I would eat raw garlic on toasted brown bread garlic is great for the immune system. I stayed away from sugary foods, fizzy drinks, alcohol. It’s not for everyone but I made the decision to really really nourish my body during chemo. I drank a minimum of 2 litres of water every day – if there is one thing you take from this I would be happy if it was you understand how important drinking your 2 litres of water is during this time.
You won’t feel like this at the start but the time goes by so quickly. Keep your focus on the finish line. Take help if you need it, when you are out the other side you can pay it forward.
I finished my chemo on the 20th December 2013 and boy was I glad to see the back of it. Again I was as Naive at the end as I was at the beginning – I expected after my last session that I would get the chemo, hop and skip out of the hospital , experience no side effects of that session because it was my last one ….. hmmmm doesn’t really make sense. I was pretty tired and worn out, Chemo chips away at you, the effects get a little worse after each session and bouncing back takes just a little longer by the end. Within a month I was feeling a good bit stronger and noticed month on month I improved.
Stuff To Expect
Mood swings – gals you are jacked up on meds it’s so normal to be moody and short and snappy. Friends and family will make allowances I’m sure but it’s no excuse to be a meany. When I felt like that I retreated
Aches & pains – Taxol gave me leg cramps and my bones felt sore – they lasted for about 6 months after chemo, I’m still stiff at times but I take supplements and exercise to help
Hair Loss – its part of the course, you head can get quite irritated during hair loss I always rubbed coconut oil on my scalp oh and expect everyone to tell you (A) You look like Sinead O’Connor (B) You are better looking than Sinead O’Connor
Anxiety – I’m blaming the meds on this – I think when you stop taking the steroids for your chemo you crash a little and you feel fearful and edgy
Nail damage / loss – there is nothing you can do about it. None of my nails fell off but they did become loose, it felt weird – I blame the Taxol on that.
Pins and needles – I got pins and needles in my hands and feet – it was the Taxol
Taste in your mouth – I didn’t get this, although when going through chemo I wasn’t hungry and I forced myself to eat regular small amounts as I was losing lots of weight
Mouth Ulcers – Always and I mean always use your mouth washes during chemo to prevent ulcers
Chapped lips – I always, always had my trusty lip balm everywhere I went.
Dry Eye – my eyes started watering one day and felt gritty and irritated, I thought I had an eye infection but then the doctor explained I had dry eye and I needed eye drop, oh the relief when I used the drops. The doctor said when your eyes are dry they try to compensate by creating more tears that’s why I was so teary.
Insomnia – The days you take your steroids you will probably feel restless and won’t be able to sleep
Fatigue – When your blood count is at its lowest usually 7 days after your chemo you will feel wiped
Emotional Attachment to your wig – (this one is for the wig wearers) even though you hate wearing a wig by the time its time to say goodbye you will be feeling so self conscious about the length of your hair you will hang onto it for much longer that you probably should !
Teeth – you will need to use a soft toothbrush and be gentle with your gums and teeth as they will be feeling super sensitive.
Just stumbled on to your blog. Great info.